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1. Read the paper in the attachment 2. Leave in-text comments on the draft: 2 items per paragraph that deal with organization and content, 1 item per paragraph that deals with sentence structure and/or grammar 3. Answer all questions on the checklist provided below in first person point of view for the student in a word doc and in complete sentences.Does the author start his or her essay with a catchy hook? Is the hook followed by background into the issue and introduction of the video?Does the author clearly state the speaker’s thesis and audience in his introduction?In the thesis, does the writer argue whether or not the speech/video is convincing to its specified audience?Does the author address at least 5 rhetorical modes to support his or her thesis (including those specific to speeches)?Does the writer support each of his or her claims images/quotes/details from the ad itself?Does the writer explain why he or she chose this particular detail? Does the explanation connect back to the thesis? Does it all connect back to the idea of the video/speech being effective and convincing or not?Does the writer have a conclusion that restates the thesis and gives a final thought?Is the paper formatted in MLA and properly cited?
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Cruz1
Alba Cruz
Professor Luna
English 124
October 28, 2017
Draft1
In the presentation, “how to fix a broken school,” presented by Linda Cliatt, we find an
inspiring yet challenging argument about how to fix schools that are surrounded by poverty
and violence. The speaker sets a foundation that can help her audience; teachers, leaders and
parents who want to contribute to their communities in order to form a better future for their
students and children. The author does an effective way of persuading her audience by
appealing to pathos logos and ethos.
One of the elements of persuasion that the speaker used in her speech is ethos. By
appealing to the ethical issues of the school, she wanted to affirm her argument about the
importance of re-building a broken school. One of the slogans she used was, “If you are going
to lead, lead.” She stated that as the principal of Strawberry Mansions School, she was
determined to delegate her students and in order to do that she needed the help of the teachers.
All of them worked together to make the school a better place for students do learn. They
started with the little things such as decorating bulletin boards to relocating their school
budget to get all the help they needed so that they could monitor all the kids. Her results by
using a non- negotiable behavior, were to be moved from persistently dangerous list after a
year
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Another successful method that the speaker used was Logos. Her phrase, “So what, now
what.” She challenged her school staff to go beyond their excuses about why the school was
not functioning right. Their statistics showed that 100% of her students lived in poverty. It
was very difficult for teachers to work with the parents because only 1% of them were willing
to participate. Their level of Math was at 6% and 10% for their literature. So because of all of
these problem, the principal needed to come up with something that will help students achieve
their best. And they did. All of her staff and teachers worked together with students in small
groups to meet each of the students need in learning. Their result was very successful when
after a year they achieved 171% of Algebra and 107% of Literature
Her final way of convincing her audience was through using Pathos. She knew that by
appealing to her audience’s emotions, she will get them to feel was she was feeling. Indeed
she did. When she shared her personal story about how she was one of those kids. A poor
student from Philadelphia who also wonder if she was ever was going to get out of poverty.
Her last slogan stated, “If nobody told you, they loved you today, just remember I do, and I
will always do.” She used this same phrase that her mom used with her to encourage her to
continue with her education. She stated that she knew that each of her students had social,
emotional, and economic issues and for that same reason she needed to get personal with
them. Her strategy was to spend time with each of them during school lunch hours. Her
reward after taking the time of being with her students was that she was gaining the respect of
each of her students who were now willing to work with her. She stated that she could only
see what they could become and that encourage her to do it.
After using pathos, logos, and ethos, the speaker reaffirms her argument by stating that
all it takes is a leader willing to lead others. She spent the time and was successful based on
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the statistics she presented. All throughout her speech, the author uses a tone of authority and
some humor to stablish the importance of her arguments. The author’s assumption is that if
you are willing to do the work, there is no way it would not work. As the principal, she
wanted changes and for that to happen, she took the time needed to develop a strong plan of
action. This is a very inspiring speech for those who are looking for resources of how to help
their students, and children
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WORKCITED
Wayman, Linda Cliatt. How to fix a broken school. 19 July 2016. Internet.

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